Okay, Lily may have had a point, but that didn't make it any less funny, or gross. "Ew, Jamie, nobody wants to see that!" she yelled from where she sat by the lake with Melanie and their other roommates.
James grinned. So, he was sort of in his element, okay this was his element. "Close your eyes Lanie."
"Put me down, Potter," Snape yelled from upside down. "Shouldn't you be chasing after your little Mudblood?"
"You're really not in a position to insult anyone," James snapped.
"The only thing you really are in a position to do is... well... hang around," Sirius grinned at James's side.
Marlene giggled and dramatically pulled her work robe over her head.
"Come on," Melanie said. "Don't you think Lily's right?"
"Is the Headmaster bald?" Marlene snorted, and pulled off the robe, pushing up the sleeves of her jumper. "Come on, it's a spot of fun."
Melanie scowled and looked at Remus as if to say YOU'RE prefect, do something! He ignored the expression and focused intently on the page in his book. He wished the three of them (Snape, James, and Sirius) weren't the sort to rise to the occasion so easily.
After being confused when not receiving a wave back from a very pissed off Lily Evans on their way out, Benjy now pulled Gil and Davey along behind him to see what the racket was about. "I mean, what d'you think - mother of God," he swore when he saw Severus Snape hanging in the air by his ankles, clearly the object of spectacle.
"Oh fucking shite," Gil swore, equally surprised.
"Oi, what's he hanging upside down for?" Davey asked, scratching his head.
"I don't think he means to be like that," Gil told Davey patiently.
Peter, who was still embarrassed from Sirius's comment earlier, wavered between egging them on or hiding behind Remus. He tried to meet Remus's eyes, but Remus wasn't looking at anything but his book.
"What do you reckon, Padfoot," James said, thrilled with the audience he now had. "Should we spin him around for a bit?"
"You'll get expelled for this Potter," Snape snapped, currently wanting to die. What he wouldn't do for someone worthwhile to show up and save his sorry arse, even if he would never admit it, even under pain of death.
"Shut up, Snivellus," Sirius ordered in return. He turned to face James and said, "Well, we'd have to be careful, we wouldn't want to throw grease on everyone." His comment was met with laughs and jeers.
Marlene didn't even notice when Melanie marched over to where Remus sat. If it were possible, Remus would have sunk into the ground. "You're a prefect," she told him, as if he'd suddenly forgotten about the badge pinned to his chest. At the very least he had the grace to look abashed, and Melanie went in the same direction Lily had, knocking into Benjy on the way out.
"Watch it!" he snapped to her, more annoyed than hurt. But his attention could not be torn away from the debacle for more than a few seconds. It was, certainly, entertaining, but it was also horrifying.
"Sodding girls," Gil murmered, after nearly being knocked into by Benjy.
"So," James announced. "Would we rather see him spin around or just float him off to the Whomping Willow?"
"Oh come on. OLD HAT!" Benjy yelled, and a few people laughed.
"I believe the phrase is 'an eye for an eye', Fenwick!" Marlene called back. "No offense, Gudgeon!"
Remus's brain was still frozen on "Whomping Willow". "James," he said, but it was hardly loud enough to rise above the noise of the assembled crowd. "James," he repeated, much louder, "No."
Davey took a good-natured bow and the crowd laughed.
"It's just a spot of fun, Moony," James replied, grinning.
"Maybe..." Peter began.
"Oh stop it Wormtail," James snapped. "You were cheering us on two seconds ago."
"Are you going to talk all day or are you going to do something?" a giggly fourth year Ravenclaw female called out, while her best friend giggled beside her.
James sent Snape on a slow trip towards the Whomping Willow, casually strolling towards it himself.
Remus began to panic and dropped his book on the grass, scrambling to his feet. "James! No, really, stop it now!"
Sirius took the back of Remus's robes and stopped him. "Just a bit of fun, come on," he said, and then scoffed. "What're you going to do, take points?"
For a moment, Remus was too stunned to say anything. He started to say "if I have to", but was interrupted by, "Furnunculus!" and Sirius suddenly yelping like a kicked dog and covering his face, where painful boils had started to sprout.
Heads seemed to turn to see where it had come from, and the culprit was spotted: Angus Jugson, a mild-mannered (or at least it had been thought) Slytherin of their year. "Put him down, Potter," he said simply, as one would tell their three year old to stop poking the cat in the eye.
James just looked at him. "You really just want me to put him down?" he asked, a wicked plan already forming in his mind.
"Put him down in the middle of the lake," Gil muttered.
Snape wanted to kiss Jugson and yell at him to mind his own bloody business at the same time. Sure he needed the help, but he didn't want anyone to acknowledge that he sorely needed help. So he said, nothing, and kept glaring at Potter.
"IN THE LAKE! LET'S SEE THE GIT GET A SHOWER!" Benjy yelled, catching on the Gil's lead.
Jugson flicked his wand again and now was Sirius not only cursing because the boils he was now covered with "hurt like fuck", but he was upside down like Snape. "After you, Potter. Black follows wherever you put Severus."
"Just put him down, James," Remus said calmly, but very nervously. "Just put him down right there."
James was not going to be one upped. He moved Snape and hovered him above Jugson's head.
"Come on Potter," Gil heckled. "We at least know that Black can swim! Give us a show."
"Swims like a bloody fish," Benjy laughed.
Jugson was overall unimpressed with Potter's performance, merely glancing at Snape as if this were all a very boring party trick. When Snape most obviously avoided making eye contact, Jugson looked to the stringy looking Slytherin who'd accompanied him, Tristan Avery. Avery nodded and flicked his wand.
Marlene McKinnon had been laughing so hard tears were rolling down her cheeks, but now she found herself the third person in the air, in a similar predicament to Snape - granted, her knickers were black and lacey, but her amusement quickly turned to outrage. "OKAY, THIS ISN'T FUNNY ANYMORE," she yelled, which of course made everyone laugh.
Benjy wolf-whistled, and Marlene threw him a one-fingered salute.
"My head's going to explode," Sirius announced.
"It should hurry and spare us all the agony of looking at you," sneered Jugson.
"Hey, can McKinnon's knickers come off instead of Snape's?" questioned Casimir Mulciber loudly from the back.
There was one sure fire way to get James to snap and that was picking on Marlene. "LOOK HER YOU FUCKING COCK SUCKING BASTARD IF YOU DON'T LET MARLENE DOWN RIGHT THIS FUCKING MINUTE, I'M GOING TO SHOVE YOUR BLOODY BASTARD FRIEND INTO THE LAKE."
Gil gave Benjy a sly grin and Levitated Mulciber into the air, so that he was the fourth to join the party.
Peter gave Remus a look.
"What the effing fuck?" Regulus said, when he, Iseult, Barty, and Rabastan stepped towards the lake.
"Lang- what?" Iseult replied, realizing what Regulus had noticed.
"... I think we missed the fun," Barty put in, trying not to sound disappointed.
Marlene was trying to preserve what shred of dignity she had left by pulling her skirt up - or down, she was slightly confused, her cheeks going pink. "Come on guys!" she yelled over Mulciber swearing up a storm.
Remus noted Peter's worried look and probably was wearing one himself. "Okay, see, now everyone's in the air, can we stop now?" he said to James.
"DID YOU SEE WHAT THEY DID TO LANIE?" James said. "And Padfoot," he added as a side note.
"This is a bloody good amount of fun," Gil said, grinning.
"If you don't stop it, you're little mate is going to be next," Regulus told Gil.
"Not really too scared about that mate," Davey said, hiding partially behind Gil.
"What am I, hippogriff feathers?" Sirius snapped, his head beginning to pulse with all the blood that had rushed there.
"... Hm," Benjy said, pretending to contemplate it for a minute, before waving his own wand, sending Barty flinging into the air.
Remus had been trying to not see what they did to Marlene, as... well, he had no particular desire, personal or academic to see Marlene McKinnon's knickers. "I, er, see," he said awkwardly. "But that's just it, it's gotten out of hand."
"Oh this is just brilliant," Gil said, grinning.
"That's not my fault," James replied. "I didn't make all these people float in th- QUIT LOOKING AT LANIE'S KNICKERS PODMORE!"
"I'm not!" Gil protested.
"Not you, the other one," James said.
"IT'S NOT LIKE EVERYONE HERE HASN'T SEEN THEM!" Marlene yelled, and then gave a coy little wave to Sturgis.
"HI NOT ME," Sirius replied, his hands still clamped to his face. It wasn't particularly successful at relieving the pain and he was apparently missing some great stuff, but it was a good a place as any to keep his hands.
"I am going to kill you," Barty seethed in Benjy's general direction once he untangled himself from his robe. Benjy only laughed.
With a flick of his wand, Regulus sent Davey up in the air.
"Don't you think that you've been mean enough to him this year?" Iseult asked, just so that Rabastan and Regulus could hear her.
Regulus didn't reply.
"Well, you really accomplished a lot," Snape snapped at Jugson.
Getting to see McKinnon's knickers had been the real highlight, but Jugson merely shrugged up at him.
Before there could be another poor idiot launched into the air, a shower of red sparks flew in the air instead, and a voice that everyone recognized cut through the air, demanding, "What is going on here?!"
None of the students dared speak, but Professor McGonagall didn't leave room for anyone to answer anyway. "All students who have another student in the air, release them NOW." On that cue, the six suspended students fell to the ground in various stages of indignation.
"Ow," Sirius moaned, quite certain he'd never been so happy to see the old bat in his entire academic career.
Frank had come up behind Professor McGonagall, with Miranda and Alice in tow. He had been nearly run over by a first year who had come screaming into the library about what was happening and then he and Alice had run into Miranda on the way. He was glaring at the assembled students.
"You could have at least warned me you stupid git," Davey mumbled, so that only Gil and Benjy could hear.
"This is completely irresponsible," Frank finally said, the diasappointment thick in his voice.
"Professor, you're looking very well today," James said, grinning and trying to pretend as if he didn't have Snape high in the air.
"Potter should be expelled," Snape said, standing up, completely and utterly humiliated.
"Snape was calling people THE NAME," James snapped back. "Ask Lily Evans."
Regulus helped Barty up off his feet, but was careful not to say anything, he could tell that Barty would now be in A Mood.
"Well suspending a student in the air is hardly the way to handle it," Miranda said, too stunned to say anything else
"We all got to see your sister's knickers, it wasn't worth it," Casimir leered, Jugson and Avery laughed. Marlene decided she could kill them later.
"Enough, Mr. Mulciber," McGonagall said sternly, not even Casimir Mulciber could withstand the steely gaze of the Transfiguration professor. "This scene is nothing but a disgrace to the school! With the examiners here, I am - I am at a loss for words."
Barty stood up and brushed himself off and approached Benjy. He had several inches in height on him, and even though he knew Fenwick was a stupid Gryffindor and going to not be scared, but he said it anyway. "Enjoy it while you can," he said, and mentally added because I can't wait to kill you.
"I am, oh, I am," he grinned and drew his wand again when Barty's hand flew to the neck of his robes.
"ENOUGH," McGonagall roared, turning on the boys. "Everyone here is to report to their Head of House's offices after dinner. If you are not there, we will seek you out." Always a promise, never a threat with her. By this time, most of the bystanders had slunk away, and the only people really left were the ones who had been in the air, putting people in the air, or those closely associated.
James looked around innocently.
Snape pushed past Potter, deeply embarressed. It figured, Potter wouldn't get in trouble, he was bloody perfect.
"Right, so I think that went well," James said, helping Sirius up. "Sorry about the boils Padfoot."
"Not half as sorry as I am," Sirius said. "They hurt like... agh."
Remus sank down next to the tree they'd been sitting by, before his legs gave out and made that decision for him.
"They saw your knickers?" Miranda hissed to Marlene.
"I was hanging upside down in case you hadn't noticed," she hissed back, rubbing her head.
"All right?" Sturgis asked, coming up from behind Marlene.
"Nothing Madame Pomfrey can't cure," James said, good naturedly to Sirius. "Let's go."
"Peachy," Marlene grumbled. "Stop acting like I was bloody well doing this on purpose," she said, taking Sturgis by the hand and leading him away.
"Yeah, I'm good with that," Sirius replied, stopping by the tree where all of their bags had been deposited. "All right, Moony?"
He felt like he might be ill. "Fine," he said. "Go see something about your face, it's killing me."
"Har har," Sirius replied, sticking his tongue out.
"Children," James said. "Honestly, Wormtail, we can't take them anywhere."
Peter smiled, now included into the conversation again. "What will we do with them?"
James shook his head. "Maybe we should find a babysitter." He yawned. "Four galleons says we all get detention. Again."
"It wouldn't exactly be undeserved-" Remus started.
"Whatever. I want to get these things off my face," Sirius said.
"Let's go then," James said, heading for the castle doors.
By tobegreat, _snaped, mar_lanie, etoile_noir_, Melanie Munch, coeurdeunlion, the4thmarauder, Angus Jugson, benjjy, morepodmores (Gil Podmore), _wonderingmind, Tristan Avery, Casimir Mulciber, princeofsnakes, alifesotragic, serpents_head, la__culebra, miramck, oldatbeingyoung, and Professor McGonagall.